


Christmas Panic

by Zephyrfox



Series: Real Legend [3]
Category: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond (Classic movies), James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - Fandom, Legends (2014), Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Some Fluff, Some angst, Unwitting Betrayal, it's Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-12 09:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9065878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephyrfox/pseuds/Zephyrfox
Summary: Dealing with Christmas isn't always easy, especially when you're feeling your way through a brand new relationship. Things go from bad to worse when Alec suddenly has no idea who James and Q are.





	1. Chapter 1

 

Aiden looked up from his spot on the floor, where he lay while watching some videos. "What are we doing for Christmas?"

The three adults in the room froze, then looked at each other in thinly-veiled panic.

Q was sitting with his laptop in his favorite chair, while James and Alec were on the couch, cleaning their weapons. They had gone shooting earlier in the afternoon, trying for some non-stress bonding time.

It had sort of worked — James and Alec had a good time shredding targets, then they had given Aiden a lesson.

He’d spent the time watching while pretending to do some work on a new design. He was an excellent shot, but he preferred to stay out of Double O shooting competitions. Besides, he loved watching James take out targets, and had found over the past few months that watching Alec was equally enjoyable.

James took a deep breath.

He and Alec looked at James hopefully.

“Of course we're going to do Christmas. Right Q, Alec?”

“Right, of course,” Alec responded quickly.

Q shoved down the uneasy feeling and said, “Ye, uh... that is, I mean, of course.” He shot a glance at James and Alec, but neither of them had noticed his hesitation.

He sat back and listened while James and Alec tried to make plans. James shot him a glance with narrowed eyes, but looked away when he smiled and made a shooing motion. He had no intention of contributing just yet.

Christmas has always been somewhat awkward for him as a child. It was good to know that tradition would be upheld as an adult.

Maybe he should talk to his brother.

 

~~~~

 

The evening progressed with James and Alec making ever more ridiculous plans while Aiden chattered in excitement.

Q kept his opinions to himself. He didn’t want to ruin their fun, although keeping quiet was difficult when some of the ideas they came up with were impractical at best.

He felt James’ eyes on him, weighing his reactions with a slight frown. After that, James deftly kept the conversation away from him. He was glad for that. He hadn’t wanted to spoil anyone’s night because he felt uncomfortable.

When the time came for Alec and Aiden to leave for their own flat, he gave the boy an awkward hug and then turned, breath catching at the sight of James and Alec kissing.

He forced himself to breathe, wondering which one of the two had just moaned. It wasn’t the first time he’d watched them kiss. It was far more intriguing for him now that he knew the goal was to include Alec into their relationship, not exclude him from James and Alec’s relationship.

Then it was his turn to kiss Alec. Warm green eyes locked on his as Alec slowly embraced him, giving him time to back out if he wished. He stepped closer instead, tilting his face up to meet Alec’s lips.

He had a moment to wonder whether Alec had been holding back the other times they had kissed, and then all thoughts flew out the window. All he could do was try to keep  up. By the time Alec slowly pulled away from him, his hands were fisted into Alec’s shirt, trying to keep him close.

He opened his eyes; he hadn’t realized that he’d closed them. He met Alec’s eyes again. They were dark, all pupil surrounded by a thin ring of jade. He felt a flutter in his stomach and glanced away, not sure he was ready for the intensity he found there. Looking at James was no help, he was watching them with something hungry in his expression.

Q licked his lips, forcing himself to let go as Alec’s smile softened and the intensity changed into something easier to bear.

Alec glanced at James, his smile turning into a smirk. He started to say something but was interrupted.

“Ugh, kissing.” Aiden rolled his eyes at them. “Dad, c’mon, let’s get going.”

The boy heaved a long-suffering sigh as the adults shared a laugh.

Soon enough Alec and Aiden were gone, leaving him alone with James — who would want an explanation for his odd behavior.

He was right. As the door closed behind Alec and Aiden, James came up to embrace him from behind.

James’ lips nibbled on his neck, interrupted only by a husky, “Q…”

He hummed questioningly in response.

The lips nuzzled against his ear and paused. “What’s wrong.” It wasn’t a question.

He exhaled. “Not here. Let’s go sit down.”

 

~~~~

 

He had intended to sit on the sofa, but somehow they ended up lounging together on their bed.

“Well?” James asked, arm outstretched in an unspoken invitation to lay against his chest.  

Q inched over until he was curling into James’ side, letting the silence stretch for a few moments. He didn’t actually want to discuss the problem. Finally he admitted, “This isn’t a good time of year.”

Hesitantly, James offered, “We could let them do it on their own?”

He smiled faintly, and pressed just a little closer. James’ arm tightened around him in response. He didn’t need to think about this answer because he knew what it meant to James. “No, it’ll be all right. Maybe we can make it a better time of year.”

James stroked his back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He hummed, pushing into the soothing touch. “Not now.” Maybe not ever, if he could avoid it.

“All right.”

They lay there together for a few minutes, cuddling.

Unbidden, the memory of watching James kissing Alec tugged at his attention. Then it morphed into a fantasy of Alec being there in the bed with them, kissing them both and cuddling. This time, instead of a flutter in his stomach, he felt heat pooling.

“We need to talk about things with Alec,” he said absently. He realized that he’d said something wrong when he felt James immediately tense.

“I thought we were giving it time?” There was an odd undercurrent in James’ voice, making him sound almost afraid.

He was so focused on identifying the sound in James’ voice that it took him a moment to realize that James had gone in the opposite direction than he intended. He pushed himself up on one elbow, feeling James’ arm trail down his back. “No, that’s not it. I’m not saying we should break up with him, I was thinking maybe move things along?”

James’ ice blue eyes stared at him, assessing. There was a long pause before the question came, a too-cautious request for more information. “Move things along? As in?”

“Well,” he stopped, not sure how to explain it. He looked down, trying to organize his thoughts. They weren’t quite at the point of living full time together, but perhaps they could try sleepovers. Now how to tell James? Particularly since he could practically feel the other man’s nerves fraying as he tried to figure out the right wording.

“Maybe once or twice a week one of us can stay at the other’s place?” he finally suggested, looking back up to meet James’s eyes.

“Yes!” James grinned, his head flopping back in relief.

Q smiled down at him, delighted that he had made James so happy. Alec would — He squawked, startled, as James surged up and rolled him onto his back, coming to rest on top of him with a fond smile.

“Thank you, Q.”  

He laughed, pulling James into a kiss. They could discuss this later.

 

~~~~

 

He waited impatiently through the ringing, and spoke as soon as he heard the phone pick up on the other end. “Merlin?”

“What is it?” His brother sounded half asleep.

 _Crap._ He hadn’t checked the time before phoning. Again. “Did I wake you?”

“It’s all right.” Merlin yawned. “The alarm was about to go off. In another hour.”

He winced. “I’m sorry about that, but I needed to talk to you. Aiden wants to celebrate Christmas.” He bit his lip. Would his brother be able to help? Merlin’s memories of Christmas were nearly as awful as his, there were just several years fewer of them.

Silence.

“Merlin?” Maybe he shouldn’t have called.

“In a... religious way? Or…?” His brother’s voice sounded hesitant over the phone. “What do you want to do about it?”

“Not religious.” He paused. Is that what Aiden had meant? As far as he knew, neither Alec nor Aiden had shown interest in going to church since they’d arrived. Wouldn’t they have said something about that last night? “At least, I don’t think so?”

He hated feeling so… off balance by all this.

“Maybe you should find out before you panic over it.”

“I’m not panicking.”

The disbelief came through loud and clear over the phone even though his brother said nothing.

“Fine,” he admitted grudgingly, “I’m panicking. Do you blame me?”

“No, of course not. I understand.” Merlin sighed. “It’s never been the best time of year.”

“James is talking about going somewhere to cut down a tree. Where? Who knows. He just thinks that’s what you do with your kid at Christmas. Alec’s going along with the idea because he’s only had artificial trees when he was growing up. Aiden’s excited because he’s never done that before — Sonya always just bought a damn tree and had it delivered.”

He stopped. He wasn’t going to mention the trees they hadn’t had growing up. Christmas meant going to the Holmes’ clan family home and celebrating Christmas with a pack of relatives. Their dad was too practical to have a tree of their own, and Mum had never cared for the trappings of Christmas. She’d always insisted that it was a time for family.

Christmas mornings had been waking up and opening presents before eating a quick breakfast. Then they piled into the car to go to their grandparent’s home to celebrate Christmas with all their Holmes relatives.

His mind shied away at that point, determined not to dwell on the past.

“Maybe… Talk to the kid and see what he actually wants to do?”

His eyes widened. Sometimes his brother came up with brilliant ideas.

He’d been too focused on what James and Alec wanted to do, and how impractical it was. A pine tree? On an Aston Martin?

His train of thought derailed. That would be a good present for Alec — a new Jaguar. James had sold Alec’s old Jaguar because it was a reminder that he was dead. Q knew where he could get his hands on one that he could fix up easily and —

“Q? Are you still there?” His brother’s voice was insistent. “Q?”

He blinked, slowly coming back to focus. “What?”

“Do you still need to talk? Because I have to get ready for work.”

“Oh. Right. No, go ahead. I’ll… try to figure this out.” He hesitated, then said quietly, “Thank you, brother.”

“You’re welcome, brother.”

 

~~~~

 

Taking his brother’s advice, he had a chat, just him and Aiden. He discovered the boy just wanted a normal Christmas. A tree, presents, the whole thing; all of them spending Christmas together.

That wasn’t too bad, but the thought of him and James going to Alec’s flat, or Alec and Aiden coming to their flat on Christmas morning brought back unpleasant memories. So he’d called Merlin again.

They had talked it out, exploring different possibilities. Getting away from London, renting a cottage somewhere for all four of them, would be the best course of action.

That way they’d be in the same place for the morning, not having to get up and go somewhere else to celebrate.

He decided on a place in the Cotswolds, and made reservations. They would get a tree once they got there. In the meantime, all they needed to do was buy presents.

At least, that was the plan.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everything seems to be going smoothly, that's when the excrement impacts with the rotating blades of fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Panic was supposed to be a light, fluffy holiday piece. Just the adults, trying to make sure Aiden had a nice Christmas, and panicking while they figured out how to do that. It veered into angst instead. 
> 
> Alec spent four years drugged to forget who he really was. He doesn't want to get counseling for it. That has an unexpected impact on his life.

 

“It will be all right,” James said, a soothing tone in his voice, as he entered the lounge.

Q looked up from his laptop and met James’ eyes, startled by the grim look that was at odds with the reassuring words — and by the shoulder harness and gun that James carried. What was going on?

“Just a moment,” James said into his mobile. He lowered the phone, covering the mouthpiece, and looked at Q. “Get your coat.”

Q blinked at the order but got to his feet. He headed towards the closet, stopping and spinning around in shock when he heard, “Can you get to your room safely?”

James just frowned at him, waving a hand to urge him to get a move on.

He decided it was best not to ask unnecessary questions at this point. He turned back to the closet, grabbing his coat and pulling it on. He stepped aside as James came up beside him and handed him the phone.

He looked from the phone to James in confusion.

Huffing impatiently, James mouthed, “Talk to him.”

Still staring at James, he raised the phone and said, “Hello?”

James rolled his eyes and reached into the closet for his own coat.

“H— hello? Q?”

Alarm filled him. It was Aiden, sounding frightened. What happened? Where was Alec? “Yes, it’s me. Are you all right?”

The boy’s voice wobbled. “It’s my dad.”

Now Q could hear shouting in the background. Alec was raving in Russian about enemies attacking. He swung around to look at James, filled with dawning horror.

James had taken his coat back to the couch, and was staring at his shoulder harness on the coffee table. He hesitated — Q’s eyes widened,  _ James _ was  _ hesitating! _ — before reaching for it. Finally he strapped the harness on, and slid his Walther into the holster. 

Then James looked up, his ice blue eyes bleak. “Let’s go.”

 

~~~~

 

They bypassed the lifts and headed for the stairs, racing down them. James put on a burst of speed and pushed ahead, slamming through the door into the parking garage. He headed towards his Aston Martin without missing a step, pressing the unlock button on the key fob as soon as he was in range.

He was sliding into the driver’s seat and turning the key in the ignition by the time Q reached the car. He waited impatiently for Q to get in. As soon as the door closed, he snapped, “Buckle up.” Then he shifted the Aston into gear and hit the accelerator.

The whole time, Q stayed on the line with Aiden, reassuring the boy, and passing information to James.

It was supposed to be a father-and-son day for the pair. What the hell happened?

_ “Shit.” _

He darted a glance at Q. “What?”

“Eyes on the road,” Q ordered, “and go faster. Alec left the flat.”

_ Fuck. _

It normally took 20 minutes to get to Alec’s flat.

They made it in 7.

 

~~~~

 

He parked the Aston Martin on the street outside of the flat. They got out, and Q headed towards the building, turning back when he didn’t follow.

“James?”

He turned slowly, scanning the surroundings for any sign that Alec had passed that way.

Q stepped closer, a look of puzzlement on his face. “James?”

“Go get Aiden. I’ll be right behind you.”

Q hesitated, then nodded, and brought the phone back up to his mouth. “We’re on our way up. Just a few more minutes.” Then he turned it off and slid it into a pocket. After one more searching look at James, Q turned and headed back towards the building. 

James made another circuit, a sinking feeling in his stomach when he saw no sign of Alec. He needed to know what had happened to send Alec into a different personality. He needed to talk to the kid. 

He strode into the building, catching up with Q on the stairs, and together they jogged up to the second floor.

The door to Alec’s flat cracked open as soon as they were close, Aiden peeking out at them. Aiden opened the door further, and stepped back so he and Q could enter.

“Tell me what happened.” He managed not to snap at the boy — but only just.

Aiden shrugged, looking lost. “We spent the day hanging out. Dad was getting a headache so he decided to lay down on the couch, and I was watching videos. Next thing I knew, he was up, yelling at me in some other language.” The boy bit his lip. “He tried to grab me, but I slid behind the couch, and that’s when I called you.”

He didn’t have to wonder how Aiden had gotten the phone. After being kidnapped by terrorists, Aiden alway carried a phone — even at home. 

“What might have triggered this… episode?” Q asked.

“I don’t know, there’s nothing that happened.” Aiden stared at the floor for a moment before looking up, his eyes widening. “He was having a nightmare before he woke up. Do you think that could have done it?”

Before either of them could respond, there was a noise at the door. James spun around, pistol drawn, to face cold green eyes and a Browning that was painfully familiar.

“Alec…” he breathed, searching for any hint of recognition in the hard lines of Alec’s face.

“How did I get here? Who brought me here?” Alec snarled, a strong Russian accent marking his words.

“Alec —” Before he could get any further, Q decided to commit suicide. 

“Alec, it’s us,” Q walked forward, his hands up and open, “please, put your gun down and let us help —” 

“Stop where you are!” Alec aimed the Browning directly at Q. “That is not me. I am Aleksei Sokolov, and you will answer my questions.” 

“Christ, Q, will you back off before you get killed?” James muttered under his breath, bringing his Walther up and aiming it at Alec. “All right, Aleksei. Just put your gun down and we’ll give you all the answers you need.”

Alec turned his head, his brows beetling as he looked at James. His voice was puzzled as he asked, “Who are you? I… I don’t… James?” The green eyes turned lost and confused. 

James held his breath, willing Alec to remember and come back to them. His heart sank when Alec stiffened.

“No.” Alec screwed his eyes shut, and gave his head a hard shake. When he opened his eyes again, the hardness was back, and he snapped, “You’re an MI6 trick. A trap. I will  _ destroy _ them and burn MI6 to the ground.” 

James traded a glance with Q, feeling sick. This was bringing back memories of Silva. He held one hand out to Alec, and slowly lowered his Walther, placing it on the ground next to his feet. “What do you have against MI6, Aleksei?”

“They killed my lover. They tried to kill me.” Alec barked a sharp laugh. “They failed. They will come to regret that failure.”

James slid a half-step to the side. Alec said nothing, just moved slightly with him. “What happened to your lover, Aleksei? Why do you think it was MI6?” He sidled another half-step, keeping a smile of satisfaction from his face when Alec continued to match his movements. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Q reach out to Aiden and slowly guide the boy towards the bedrooms. Good. They were out of the line of fire, and Q could get them to safety down the fire escape if need be.

“Of course it was MI6. They knew my James wanted to come to me, so they killed him. They told me he was dead. Then the cowards shot me, from ambush. But I survived. I have one purpose, now.” Alec’s face twisted with fury as he hissed, “I. Will. Destroy. Them.”

James stopped his sideways journey, shocked. He’d thought that Alec — no, Martin — hadn’t remembered him. How could his death be Aleksei’s motivating force? Would proving he was still alive shock Alec out of legend, or would that do more harm than good?

He took a deep breath. All he could do was try. “It’s me, Aleksei. Your James. MI6 lied.” 

Alec frowned at him, but it wasn’t puzzlement, it was suspicion. Why? Oh. He should have used a diminutive for Aleksei, something intimate, for friends and lovers. He thought for a minute, trying to remember any of them. Which to use? Mentally shrugging, he decided to try several. “Leksa, my Alyushka, they lied, they tried to keep me from you.”

“Alive? But…” Alec shook his head again, breathing heavily. He raked a hand through his hair, looking around as if trying to think. Then Alec jerked back, green eyes accusing, and roared, “No. No! You let me think you were dead! You betrayed me!”

_ Crap. _ James licked his lips and tried again. “No, Alyushenka, I’d never betray you. They betrayed me, made me think you didn’t want me any more.”

That last was risky. Would it work? Elation filled him as the Browning’s barrel wavered.

Doubt filled Alec’s face. “Yasha? But…”

“They betrayed me, too, Alyushenka. I want to destroy them as much as you do —” he stopped, startled at the real anger in his voice. He pushed it down; he couldn’t afford to be distracted now. “Please, Sashenka. My Alec. Believe me.”

Alec staggered, the doubt turning into confusion. “James?”

James lurched forward to catch Alec as he fell to one knee, the Browning dropping unnoticed to the floor.  

“James?” Alec whispered, before his eyes rolled up and he collapsed into unconsciousness.

James clutched Alec tighter for a moment, then gently lowered him to the floor, ending up in an inelegant sprawl next to him.

He bowed his head, shaking as reaction set in. What the hell had happened? And what would they do if it happened again?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Jaimistoryteller for allowing me to borrow Aleksei Sokolov, Alec Trevelyan's cover name from [Different Paths](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8576473/chapters/19663888). If you haven't had a chance to read it, go ahead! It's long, but so worth it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James, Alec, and Q deal with the aftermath of Aleksei's 'visit' and work out how that will affect their relationship. Their lives are a bit chaotic, but they're figuring things out. Aiden is happy about that, but he's focused on more important matters - Christmas.

 

James heard hesitant footsteps approaching, and lifted his head from his hands to see Q coming back into the room.

“Is he… all right?” Q’s voice was hushed as he gingerly sat close by, and opened his arms.

He took the invitation, leaning into the tight embrace, holding on just as tightly. Tears pricked at the back of his eyes, but refused to let them fall. “I don’t know.”

After a few minutes, he gave Q a squeeze and sat up. He needed to do something, he hated feeling helpless. “Go ask Aiden to pack their bags. We’ll take him and Alec back to our flat.”

Q studied him. “Not a hospital?”

He stared back in disbelief. “Of course not a bloody hospital!”

“All right,” Q nodded, “just checking.” With that, Q got up and disappeared into the back of the flat, leaving him alone with Alec.

He didn’t pay attention to how long it took the two to pack and bring the bags out. When they did, Q hovered beside him, while Aiden sat on the sofa, darting worried glances at his father.

Fortunately, it wasn’t long until Alec woke, although that brought a whole new set of concerns. He was in some sort of state that left him passive and compliant, not seeming to care that he had no idea who or where he was.

 

~~~~

 

Watching Alec’s groggy confusion upon waking up tore at him. If Sonya or Gates had been in front of him, he wouldn't guarantee they'd survive the experience. He might even guarantee that they _wouldn’t_ survive.

Thankfully, Q was able to distract Aiden by taking the boy and their bags down to Alec’s BMW. The two would head back to his and Q’s flat.

It had been unexpectedly easy getting Alec downstairs and into the Aston Martin. It was just a matter of coaxing him into getting up and moving. He had been confused, seemingly unaware of where he was, and clung to James as they walked.

At the car, he freed an arm from around Alec and opened the passenger door.

Alec appeared to be moving on autopilot as he slowly let go and moved to sit in the car. When he was settled, James reached in and buckled him in. He felt faintly ridiculous, but he couldn't be sure that Alec would buckle the seatbelt properly in this state.

“Are you all right?” The words slipped from him without thinking. He had no idea if Alec would be able to answer.

But Alec turned fuzzy green eyes on him, a faint line between his brows before he answered. “Yes?”

“All right, good.” At this point he'd take what he could get. He carefully shut the car door and went around the car to get in on the driver’s side.

As he buckled himself in, he realized that Alec was studying him, in that vaguely confused way that wasn't entirely… present.

“Do I know you?”

He clenched his jaw, gathering his control before he answered. “Yes.”

Alec nodded slowly. “Okay.”

_Christ._

 

~~~~

 

He pulled into the parking garage, and parked next to the BMW. Then it was the reverse of the earlier procedure to get Alec out of the car and up to the flat.

Q was waiting when the lift doors opened on their floor.

“I have Aiden settled on the couch in my office. I didn't think he needed to see his father like this again.”

He nodded. “Good idea.” Aiden had been through enough that afternoon. The boy had been frightened by Alec before he and Q had gotten to the flat, and then distraught when they all realized how confused Alec had become.

Inside the flat, he managed to gently detach Alec and left him petting the cats under Q’s supervision, and went through their bedroom into the bathroom. He needed a minute to himself.

He scrubbed his face, then stared at himself in the mirror, unpleasant possibilities crawling through his brain. What if Alec stayed like this? What would they do?

“Alec, wait —”

He swung around at Q’s voice. He heard steps coming closer, and then Alec was there, peering at him, confused.

“You weren't ever coming back.” Alec's voice held a thread of fear.

He exchanged a glance with Q, who shrugged helplessly at him.

He dredged up a smile that attempted to be reassuring but didn't feel like it. Maybe Alec wouldn't notice, in this state.

“No, I'm here, see?” _I'll always come back._ The words were on the tip of his tongue, but that was a lie he'd never tell. He opened his arms, and Alec was in them immediately, wrapping around him, shaking like a leaf.

He began rubbing calming circles on Alec’s back, then looked over at Q and mouthed, _“What happened?”_

Q shrugged, mouthing back, _“I have no idea.”_

He turned his attention back to Alec, pleased that the shivering had lessened.

“We could take him to bed? It might help if he slept, and you seem to be his favorite teddy bear at the moment.”

He frowned. He hadn’t quite dared to expect Q to be willing to share their bed. “Yes. Are you all right with that?”

“I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't.” There was an audible eye roll in that tone.

He arched a brow. “Right. Turn down the blankets?”

Q nodded and headed into the bedroom.

He began the task of getting Alec to move toward the bed. They were almost there when Alec planted his feet in a sudden show of semi-awareness.

“Aiden?”

“He's fine. Q made up the couch in the office for him.” He shifted his grip, sliding a hand down Alec's side, comfortingly.

Alec nodded, burrowing his head into James’ neck, and nodded again, mumbling, “K.”

He hugged Alec tightly, then stripped him down to pants and urged him into bed. He got in next, finding himself with his arms full of octopus as Alec latched on. He rubbed his cheek over light brown hair, not sure if he was comforting himself or Alec.

This had to pass. Alec had to get better. He had to.

 

~~~~

 

He groaned. His brain felt raw and bruised. He was lying on an unfamiliar bed, sandwiched between two familiar bodies. Stubbled warmth nuzzled behind his ear and he moaned, shifting back into the warmth behind him, trying to tug the solid warmth he was holding back with him.

A hand stroked his face.

“Alec?” The voice rumbled through the chest under his cheek.

“Hmmmm?” He nuzzled into the hand stroking his face.

“How are you feeling, love?”

The voice was full of affection. His James. The nuzzling at his ear drifted down, chin rubbing his nape. Q. His Q? Yes, that sounded right.

“Alec?” James’ voice was calm, but with an undercurrent that spoke of worry.

Oh, yes. How did he feel. “Brain hurts.”

“Do you mean a headache?” Q’s voice came from behind him.

He sighed, reluctantly opening his eyes, then hastily closing them against the light. He didn't want to talk, just to lie between his two lovers. “Not headache. My brain is sore. Feels bruised.” He yawned, “so tired.”

He drifted back to sleep, only for a voice to waken him again minutes — or was it hours? — later.

“Alec-love, wake up,” James coaxed.

He groaned, and mumbled, “No. Sleep.”

There was a sigh, moving his head up and down as the chest beneath his cheek shifted. “Alec, you've got to let me up.”

Terror jolted through him, and he clutched James tighter. He couldn't lose James.

“What's the matter?” It was Q. Not talking to him, so he didn't respond.

“He won't let me go.” There was that undercurrent of worry in James’ voice again. “Alec? I won’t go far, I promise.”

“No.” He sounded petulant to his own ears. The terror faded, only to be replaced by a feeling of wrongness that floated through him. What was it?

He felt as though a barrier between himself and his thoughts was giving way, and he realized what was behind the niggling sense of wrongness. “As much as I'm enjoying waking up between you two, I didn’t go to bed like this. And I thought we weren't at the sleeping together stage yet.”

“Oh, thank God.” James’ voice was relieved.

He opened his eyes to see two concerned faces looking back at him. What the hell had happened?

 

~~~~

 

James and Q refused to talk to him about what happened until Aiden was out of the flat. He was disturbed by the implications of that, and by Aiden’s relieved, “Dad! You’re all right!” when his son came out of Q’s office for breakfast.

Aiden hugged him, and then stayed close by his side until Q’s brother Merlin showed up. Aiden wasn't happy about the prospect of school, let alone being escorted there. To his surprise, his son almost threw a tantrum.

Then James took Aiden aside and talked to him. Alec had no idea what had been said, but his son had gone quiet, and looked at him guiltily. Then he left with Merlin without further complaint.

He wasn’t sure how he felt about James guilting his son into going to school, but with Aiden gone, James and Q would finally tell him what had happened.

They went to the lounge. He sat by himself on the couch; apparently neither James nor Q wanted to crowd him as they laid out every detail of the day before.

He couldn’t believe what they said, and stared at them, stunned. He had no memory of any of that happening. What was happening to him? Was he a danger to Aiden? To James or Q?

“How are you feeling?” Q’s voice was cautious.

He hunched his shoulders. Both of them were being so damn careful with him. “Damnit, don't treat me like I'm going to break! I'm fine.”

Two nearly identical looks of disbelief spoke volumes. He would never admit they might be right.

He huffed, and grumbled, “I know. But I'll be fine.”

“Are you going to get counseling, now?”

Alec looked away. Why was Q pressing this? “I’ve been getting counseling. You know that.”

It was even true. All the best lies were.

“You've been going, but you've been giving your therapist a hard time.” That was James.

He frowned at them, hurt. How did they know? He forgot for a moment that not cooperating with therapists was the standard MO for all Double O’s. Hard on that thought came the paranoia and suspicion. They were against him. He stood up, eyeing the exits.

The other two stood up as well. James looked from him to the door and shifted out of the way. Q frowned and said, “Alec, stop,” in a tone that brooked no disobedience.

James drifted closer, hand reaching out, trying to calm him down. He could see the path to the door, but they were too close, he was trapped —

 

~~~~

 

The next thing he was aware of was that raw, bruised feeling in his brain. He was on the floor, wrapped around James, with Q at his back, same as that morning. _Fuck._ Had it been that morning? How much time had he lost?

“What did I do this time?” He dreaded the answer.

“You were… upset, and wanted to leave.” That was Q.

“What aren't you telling me?” He watched as James and Q traded looks above him. _“Please._ I need to know.”

James sighed, and held him tighter. “You didn't hurt either of us.”

“Leading with that doesn't make me feel better, James.”

Q sighed. “Just… remember that, all right? That you didn’t hurt me.”

He stiffened, and sat up, evading their attempts to hold him, and pushed his way to his feet. He looked down at them and gritted, “What. Did. I. Do.”

James stood up, extending a hand to Q to pull him to his feet as well. “You weren’t yourself. You weren’t Aleksei, either. Q grabbed you before I could.”

He felt the blood drain from his face and turned to Q. “I hurt you, didn’t I?”

“No, Alec, you didn’t.” Q shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed. “I thought you were going to, but —”

“That’s when you stopped. You stared at Q, and then you lost consciousness.”

James reached out to hold him, but he backed away. He was dangerous. He couldn’t let them get too close.

“I'm getting worse. I need to leave, before I hurt someone. Aiden —” he swallowed, feeling sick. “Aiden can stay with you. I trust you to take care of him. I can’t. I can’t be trusted —”  

He looked away, trying to avoid the accusing stares he knew he was getting from Q and James. He flinched when gentle fingers grasped his chin, turning his face towards them.

It was Q, standing so close — too close — but neither of them looked accusatory. Why not?

“No, you’re going through withdrawal from that drug, and your brain chemistry is out of whack. Therapy won’t help your system get over the drug any faster, but it will help you cope with the effects.”

He shook his head, unable to answer. They should hate him, want him out of their lives.

“Stubborn idiot.” James smiled at him. “We love you. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for Aiden. Do it for us.”

They were insane, they had to be. He took a deep breath and gave in. “Yes, all right.”

“Good.” Q smiled at him. “We’ve already decided that you and Aiden are moving in.”

“What? But we're still working on our relationship, we're not even at the sleeping over stage.” Resolutely ignoring the fact that he'd woken up near naked between the two. “That's why we had to rent a cottage for Christmas.”

Without batting an eye, Q shot back, “We are at the sleeping together stage, or did you forget this morning?”

He cast about for another objection. Why was he fighting this? “Where will Aiden sleep?”

“In my office. It will be easy enough to convert it to a bedroom. We can shift things around in the lounge to make space for my desk.”

“Where will I sleep?”

“Between us, I hope,” James said with a suggestive smirk.

“But what about — Q, you’re demi. We need to discuss this, your limits and boundaries. We said we would, we would negotiate —”

“And we will, but the direction we’ve been going has been leading to this. I wanted to talk to you about, well, taking our relationship to the next step. This is just… taking the next step a little faster.”

 

~~~~

 

They missed Christmas because they had been taking care of his dad. His dad was better, but they couldn’t go to the cottage they’d rented, since their reservation had passed. That didn't matter because he and his dad had moved in with James and Q, so Q had decided that they would celebrate Christmas in the flat.

He was up early, eager to see what was under the tree. He was a big kid, of course. Nine was very nearly grown up. He no longer believed in Santa Claus, well, Father Christmas because they were in England, but presents were always good, no matter who they were from.

He sat down by the tree, and picked up one of the boxes, turning it over in his hands. The wrapping job was a bit rough, he decided critically. It was one of the ones that he had bought with his allowance to give to his father and his…

He stopped. What were Q and James to him? He wasn’t sure. Maybe he’d end up calling them stepfathers. It felt kind of funny to call the adults by their first names, but neither of them had liked ‘Mr. Q’ or ‘Mr. James,’ and calling them ‘Uncle’ had reminded him unpleasantly of Aunt Bev since they were both dating his dad. Besides, he had started calling Q’s brother Merlin “Uncle,” which got odd looks from Merlin’s boyfriend, Arthur, and James and Q were a lot closer to his dad than Merlin.

His dad had sat him down to talk about sex and relationships and stuff. That was embarrassing. He told his dad that he already understood that not everyone in real life was totally gay or straight. That had flummoxed his dad, and he'd been able to escape further awkwardness.

But really, he wasn't dumb. He knew how to look stuff up. Like when his friend Jake’s sister said that she liked other girls, and Christa’s girlfriend said she liked girls _and_ boys. He and Jake had gone into his dad’s books to find out more about homosexuality and stuff because Jake’s parents were being weird about it.

What he wasn't sure about was more than two people in a relationship. TV shows and movies were full of stories why that was a bad idea, but his dad, James, and Q were making it work.

He’d never expected that his dad would be interested in other men, but then, he had never expected to find out that his dad wasn't actually his dad.

He wasn’t ready to think about how strange his dad had been. It made him feel funny. He’d been relieved that Q and James had been able to help. It made him feel safer, knowing that he had all three of them to look after him and protect him — even if it was his dad he might need protecting from. Although, really, his dad hadn’t tried to hurt him, just been trying to frighten him into giving up information.

“Aiden? You’re up early.”

He looked up at Q and grinned. “Of course, it’s Christmas.”

Q blinked in mock surprise, “Oh, right, I’m afraid I forgot.”

Aiden laughed. He didn't think that Q ever forgot anything.

“What are we laughing about?” It was his dad, coming into the living room and leaning against Q.

He snickered as Q glared at his dad. He knew Q didn't mean it.

James had followed his dad out of their room, and put an arm around his dad’s waist and leaned over to kiss Q’s cheek. “Morning.”

He liked the easy way they touched each other. When his dad had been with his mom, they never touched each other like this. But, enough of the sappy stuff. It was time for far more important matters. “Can we open the presents now?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Panic is done, but there's an epilogue: Q is curious about Aleksei, and wants to find out more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is over, and James, Alec, and Q are still puzzled by the mystery of Aleksei. They are determined to find out more about him, but their quest for answers brings just as many questions.

 

“There's no mention of any legend of yours named Aleksei Sokolov.” Q felt thoroughly frustrated as he threw himself into his favorite chair. 

The abrupt movement startled Pax, who had been lying against Alec’s outstretched legs on the couch. The cat gave him an indignant look and stalked out of the lounge, tail twitching in agitation.

James looked up, a question in his eyes. He was sitting on the couch, his arm draped around Alec, who leaned against him while reading a book. He reached for the remote control, and clicked off the movie he had been watching.

Alec put his book down, a slight frown creasing his brow, and shifted forward to look at him. “That's because I don't have any Russian legends.”

He huffed. All of his searching had already told him that. “Then where did Aleksei come from?”

Alec leaned back into his living pillow, obviously unsettled. “I don't know.”

James’ arm tightened around Alec, his arctic blue eyes somber. 

The two made a lovely sight, and normally he’d want to join them for a nice cuddle, but he needed to press the point. “What if it happens again? We need to know about him.”

Troubled green eyes met his. “I know. The question is, how?”

 

~~~~

 

“Hypnosis.”

James turned, breaking off his discussion with Alec about taking Aiden to the range the next day. Q had been fairly bursting to tell them something all through dinner, but hadn’t said anything until Aiden left the table. He shook his head slightly, certain that he hadn’t heard correctly. “What?”

“What do you mean?”

He shot a look at Alec, frowning. That sounded intrigued.

“Well, not really hypnosis,” Q admitted, steepling his fingers on the table. “More like a state of relaxation. It will allow you to connect with your subconscious, and find out what you had in mind when you invented Aleksei.”

“You must be joking, Q. That will never work.” He turned to Alec. “Tell him.”

“No, it might.” Alec nodded thoughtfully. “It won’t hurt to try, anyway.”

He stared at his two lovers in shock. “You’re both mad.”

Q’s face fell. “Why are you so against the idea? We all agree that we need more information about Aleksei.”

He clenched his jaw. “Did it not occur to you that they used hypnosis to program Alec into Martin?”

Hazel eyes widened and flew to Alec.

“James, it’s all right.” Alec put a hand on his arm. “I know how it sounds, but it will be all right.”

“How can it be all right?” He didn't believe any of this. “You know what they did to you!”

“I trust Q. I trust you. And this might be the only way to make the connection to find out more about Aleksei. What if he comes back? I was  _ him,  _ I wasn't me anymore. You said he was violent. What if he hurts you or Q? What if he hurts Aiden?”

Alec leaned closer to him, green eyes pleading. “I can’t let that happen.”

He sighed, knowing Alec was right. “I still hate the idea.”

 

~~~~

 

“All right. I need you to sit there and relax, don't push for it, just let the knowledge come. Aleksei is your invention, all the information is there in your brain,” Q said, striving to sound assured and calm. In truth he was neither. He had been rattled when James pointed out that Mnemosyne’s technique had employed hypnosis along with the drug regimen. What if the drugs hadn't fully cleared Alec’s system? Or his withdrawal from them caused an unexpected reaction?

“Just get on with it.” Alec growled. 

He traded a glance with James. “Of course. Now, get comfortable and begin whenever you're ready. Who is Aleksei Sokolov.”

“Aleksei Kirillovich Sokolov,” Alec corrected absently as he lay down on the couch, taking a few deep breaths and letting all the tension go. 

Alec’s eyes closed, thankfully missing the glance that he traded with James. 

They had asked Alec about Aleksei when he woke up, and he'd had no idea who they were talking about. They hadn't known Aleksei’s patronymic, since he hadn't used one when he told them his name. If Alec knew it now, when he hadn’t before, maybe this would work.

“All right. Just relax and breathe,” he repeated, watching as Alec’s breathing evened out.

After a few moments, Alec began, his voice drowsy. “So much rage. It hurts so much.”

He leaned forward, aware that James was doing the same. “Whose rage?”

“Mine…” 

He suppressed a frustrated huff, annoyed at himself. Vague questions get vague answers. “Who are you?”

“Alec.”

He frowned in disappointment. Maybe this wasn’t going to work after all. “Is that your full name?”

“No. I’m Alec Trevelyan, 006. But I'm undercover. I didn't want to. Had to. Orders. Now I'm Aleksei Kirillovich Sokolov.”

He looked at James in surprise, and got an irritated wave to keep going. He was torn between asking about the orders or asking why Aleksei was so angry. 

“What were your orders?” Perhaps they would be a clue.

Alec licked his lips and frowned, eyes still closed. “To fake my defection and go undercover. It wasn’t right. I didn’t want to do it.”

_ Interesting. _ He pressed on. “What was wrong about it?”

“I don’t know. It felt wrong.” Alec’s breathing changed, his face growing agitated. 

Q decided to drop that line of questions and go back to the original one. “Why are you so angry?”

“My handler told me…” Alec’s voice caught, “he said James was dead. I wasn't there. I couldn’t back him up when he needed me.” 

There was so much grief in his voice that Q felt sympathetic tears in his own eyes. “What happened then?”

“They shot me. I knew it was them, MI6. Who else would it have been? But I knew. And I survived. And I vowed to bring MI6 down in flames.” Alec's voice turned hard and cold, a trace of Russian shaping his vowels.

He was alarmed at the way Alec’s voice changed, and the anger making him sound more alert.  _ Damnit. _ He wasn't trying to push Alec into Aleksei again. 

“Alec, can you breathe for me? Just breathe, and relax.” 

For a few moments Alec seemed to resist the soothing litany, but then he relaxed, suddenly boneless.

He sat back, relieved. “I think he's asleep.”

“What the hell was that?” Worry warred with anger in James’ voice. 

He shook his head, at a loss to explain it. “I don't know. I wish I did.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The saga of Aleksei Sokolov seems to be over, but who knows? He might show up again. There's a mundane reason for his appearance that James, Alec, and Q will discover eventually. 
> 
> A different reason for his appearance will take place in a story that's become it's own AU of the Real Legend verse. There are many versions of Alec Trevelyan in the multiverse, no matter their names or their backgrounds. Suddenly finding themselves in a body similar to their own, in a world not their own, forces them to adapt and find a way home.

**Author's Note:**

> I love reviews, comments, and any other sort of communication. Feel free to stop in to say hi. You can find me on tumblr at leavesdancing.tumblr.com.


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